Holiday Horror

You may think that of all the seasons, all the holidays and phases of the year, that Christmas is the most ill-suited to horror. Well, you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Obviously the days leading up to Halloween are the meat and potatoes of a horror film fan's existence, what with creeps and spooks and serial slashers and one more Paranormal Activity sequel taking over multiplexes, television schedules, and your suggestion row on Neflix, but the Yuletide makes for a surprisingly devilish season when it comes to holiday horror. It's not all rosy-cheeked children and talking puppies skating around the ice musing about St. Nick, or aggravating and dysfunctional families brought together to magically heal their decades-old emotional wounds through the power of tinsel and snow. Nope. In fact, there's a sleigh-full of Christmas-related horror out there so that us die hard fans (or perhaps those fans who get just a little bit tired of watching Elf (2003) seventeen times in one week) can always find something shocking in our stockings.

Like this monstrosity, for example

Some people might find it offensive or distasteful that there is such an abundance of Christmas horror films in the world, or that themes typically related to the horror genre have no place at this time of year. To that, I bring up one of the oldest and most beloved Christmas tales of all time, Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, which is littered with ghosts, graveyards, and ghoulish visions. So, I've got some recommendations for a few holiday horror hits for those who prefer their Christmas movies a little on the twisted side, or anyone that needs an antidote to the endless parade of celluloid holiday sweetness clogging up the TV. 

When it comes to Christmas-themed horror, ask any true buff of the genre and they'll talk to you about Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984). This delightfully cheesy slasher film once enraged an entire nation to the point that a large smear campaign, led primarily by rural and suburban, middle-class, white parents, managed to get the film pulled from theaters and dropped by its distribution company. The film, which has since become a cult classic and a gem in the horror crown, tells the story of young Billy, who witnesses his parents get slaughtered by someone dressed in a Santa Claus costume. As a grown up, Billy has trouble dealing with the lingering issues he has over Old St. Nick, especially when he is forced to put on a Santa suit as part of his job at the toy store. Needless to say, a mental breakdown ensues, prompting Billy to stalk about his small, cheerful Utah town with an axe, knocking off random citizens while shouting "NAUGHTY" and "PUNISH."

Part of the fame surrounding this low-budget classic is certainly due to the fact that its commercials alone scarred a generation of American children and spurred their elders to fantastically self-righteous protest. They were even joined in their cause by Siskel and Ebert, who denounced the film on their television show, "At the Movies." And yet, despite its notoriety, or perhaps because of it, Silent Night, Deadly Night endured, sought out desperately by horror freaks due to it's "forbidden fruit" allure. The film spawned four sequels by the early 1990's (and in an odd twist, actor Mickey Rooney, one of the original film's most vocal detractors, had a starring role in the final installment, Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991) ), and was remade just last year as Silent Night (2012), in which Malcolm McDowell plays a sheriff tracking down another psycho killer dressed in a Santa suit. The only snag? His entire town is full of guys dressed in Santa suits because it's the day of the annual Christmas parade. Don't you hate it when that happens? This gory, violent, and over-the-top loose re-imagining isn't all that bad, though, and pleased most fans of the original--myself included. 

He'll show you exactly why his suit is so red…

What's interesting about the massive backlash that followed the release of Silent Night, Deadly Night, was that it was virtually absent when Christmas Evil (1980), a film that used the same hook, was released four years prior. This film, sometimes marketed as You Better Watch Out or Terror in Toyland, follows a schlumpy toy company employee who, so jaded from a lifetime of cynicism and festering bitterness, snaps on Christmas Evil and dons a Santa suit to strike down anyone who's ever done him wrong and thus diminished his Christmas spirit. It's kind of like a Taxi Driver (1976) holiday special. Sharp-eyed viewers will recognize a young Jeffrey DeMunn, better known as Dale on AMC's "The Walking Dead."

If you still haven't had your fill of serial Santa's, you can watch him go psycho again in Santa's Slay (2005), a horror-comedy that enlightens us all to the true origins of Father Christmas: he's the son of the Devil who once did battle with an angel. As punishment for this, he was sentenced to a 1,000 years of "doing good" by delivering presents on Christmas Eve. But now, as you may have guessed, his millennia of community service is over and he can return to his true calling of making Christmas a "Day of Slaying." A similar premise is also utilized in the so-bad-it's-good awesomefest, Satan Claus (1996), which finds innocent New Yorkers axe-murdered in order to have their body parts chopped off to decorate a macabre Christmas tree from hell. Duh. 

The last movie I'll suggest to round out Killer Santas (which, at this point, I'm realizing could be it's own horror sub-genre), is To All a Good Night (1980), which is even more classic slasher than the others listed above, as this time a Santa-suited maniac is picking off co-eds on a college campus who have stayed behind for Christmas break. It doesn't get much campier than that. Not to worry, though, Santa is not always the one doing the hacking; in Don't Open Till Christmas (1984), a slasher prowls the streets of London, murdering department store Santas, always one step ahead of Scotland Yard and one step behind logic. For some reason, the film was heavily promoted as being from the same producer as Pieces (1982) which, if you've seen this drive-in dime…is not exactly the best selling point.

Now don't get all hot and bothered there, Santa…

But of course, holiday horror does not need a deranged Santa to find that warm, special place in the heart of a horror fan. Take Black Christmas (1974), for instance, a monumental and influential film that acted as the true founding father to the slasher genre, even if it was later overshadowed by John Carpenter's Halloween (1978). In this controversial and well-known horror classic, the residents of a sorority house, including a young Margot Kidder, fall victim to an obscene phone caller who then escalates into a sinister and murderous home invader as the girls attempt to prepare for Christmas break. It's probably the most well-known and well done Christmas-horror film out there, and it's definitely a staple and game-changer for horror as a whole. Ironically, director Bob Clark would go on to helm one of the greatest warm-and-fuzzy Christmas classics of our time, A Christmas Story (1983). 

If slashers aren't your thing, and I'll admit that my bias for that sub-genre has dominated this post thus far, I suggest Silent Night, Zombie Night (2009)--man, what is it with all these Christmas horror films using "silent night in their titles? Black Christmas was also released under the title Silent Night, Evil Night--a low budget film that finds the Christmas celebrations of Los Angeles rudely interrupted by an outbreak of everyone's favorite flesh-eating undead walkers. In that same vein, you could pop in Elves (1989) and watch a department store Santa Claus attempt to protect a group of unlucky teenagers from a demonic, Nazi, North Pole Elf who was unknowingly released by a pagan blood ritual. You really just can't make this shit up, folks.

But wait. If Santa can chop us into bits now, and his elves can do the same, what about snowmen? You'll find the answer to that in the overly cheesy, what-the-hell-even-is-this cult classic Jack Frost (1997)--not to be confused with the family comedy of the same name starring Michael Keaton, which is horrific in its own right--that features a serial killer having an unfortunate run-in with an experimental genetic modifier on a cold winter's night, resulting in his transformation into a psycho, fucked-up Frosty. I'm not even kidding. I literally just went back and linked the movie's Amazon page to the title. Because honestly, this is a movie that has to be seen to be believed. And, if you can find it in your hearts to truly embrace the reason of the season and believe, there is a sequel. 

This probably should have been shown to the filmmakers

of Jack Frost 2 after the first film bombed

The last, but certainly not least of the more "established" Christmas-themed horror movies out there I want to draw your attention to, is Joe Dante's classic creature feature Gremlins (1984). It's hard to find someone these days who hasn't seen the film or at least understands the pop culture references surrounding Gremlins, but many people forget that it takes place on Christmas Eve. There is massive amounts of tiny critter carnage, but what's truly disturbing is the mid-film soliloquy from Kate as she recalls finding her father's dead body stuck in the chimney as a little girl. It's oddly tragic.

Much like the following list of Christmas related horror movies I have either seen (the ones with a brief description) or have heard of. You know, if you really just can't get enough. Or if Uncle Clyde keeps gushing about the latest Tea Party rally and you need to sneak away and watch something in which there is a high probability of someone or something being struck repeatedly…

-Dead of Night (1945)--one of the top 100 horror movies of all time, easy
-Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)--this amusingly bad horror/sci-fi B-movie comes complete with a sing-along portion. OBVIOUSLY.
-Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)---A man inherits an old manor that once used to be an asylum. When he investigates strange events of the house's past, the townspeople grow worried. Pretty solid film.
-Home for the Holidays (1972)--an ailing man summons his three daughters home for Christmas and asks them to kill his new wife, whom he suspects is poisoning him
-The Legend of Hell House (1973)--another film on this list that makes the top 100 without question about a psychiatrist, his wife, a young psychic, and the only survivor of a previous trauma are sent to Hell House to prove/disprove life after death
-Deadly Games (1982)
-Blood Beat (1982)--a woman in rural Wisconsin is possessed by a samurai warrior
-The Thirteenth Day of Christmas (1985)

-Chopping Mall (1986)

-Child's Play (1988)--another one people forget takes place at Christmastime. The Chucky doll is the hottest toy on the market in the first film of this silly series
-Lucky Stiff (1988)--loner Ron, who has no luck with women, is invited by Cynthia to her backwoods home for Christmas dinner. Turns out clan takes inspiration from the Donner party
-Deadly Dreams (1988)
-Prime Evil (1989)
-Family Reunion (1989)

-Campfire Tales (1991)
-The Day of the Beast (1995)
-Santa Claws (1996)
-Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)--aliens invade Earth and it's up to Santa and his elves to save the day
-The Minion (1998)
-Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)--he's back to made the holidays red

-A Christmas Nightmare (2001)
-Nutcracker (2001)

-Christmas Season Massacre (2001)
-One Hell of a Christmas (2002)
-Dead End (2003)--En route to his in-laws on Christmas Eve, Frank decides to take a shortcut for the first time in 20 years. It turns out to be the biggest mistake of his life. Highly recommended. Really great, little known gem.
-Psycho Santa (2003)
-Trees 2: The Root of All Evil (2004)
-Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)--sequel to one of the greatest horror films post-2000 in which Brigitte now finds herself a werewolf who must hide out in a rehab facility
-Gingerbread Man (2005)--it's not directly related to Christmas, but it's the only time of year I associate gingerbread as a thing
-The Toybox (2005)
-The Horror Seasons (2005)
-Marcus (2006)--a troubled young man returns home for Christmas to reconcile with his estranged sister. Then her alleged boyfriend shows up and turns the holiday dinner into a dark, disturbing night of violence and terror
-Two Front Teeth (2006)
-Xmas Tale (2006)
-P2 (2007)--A woman is pursued by a psychopath after being locked in a parking garage on Christmas Eve
-Wind Chill (2007)
-Inside (2007)--one of the most visually brutal and controversial horror films out there about a recently widowed pregnant woman who endures a horrific home invasion
-Ornaments (2008)
-The Children (2008)--A relaxing Christmas vacation turns into a terrifying fight for survival when children begin to turn on their parents. Very, very creepy little film.

-Alien Raiders (2008)

-12-24 (2008)--a zombie horde prevents a group of characters from getting home on Christmas Eve
-The Blackout (2009)
-Deadly Little Christmas (2009)
-Hate's Haunted Slay Ride (2010)
-Wolf Cabin (2010)
-Sint/Saint (2010)--St. Nicholas is a deranged bishop who kidnaps and murders children whenever there is a full moon on December 5
-Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
-Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas (2010)
-Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast (2011)--all the YES

-A Cadaver Christmas (2011)
-Snowmageddon (2011)

-ATM (2012)--David and Emily leave the company Christmas party to salvage their first date together, only to have their night turn deadly when co-worker Corey asks to stop at an all-night ATM (in all honestly, I highly recommend this one)
-Tinsel (2012)
-The 12 Disasters of Christmas (2012)

-Bloody Christmas (2012)

-Christmas with the Dead (2012)
-Darkest Night (2012)--family reunion in the mountains at Christmas is spoiled by a series of bizarre, demonic, and tragic events

-Caesar and Otto's Deadly Xmas (2013)
-Treevenge (2013)--a short film that depicts Christmas from the perspective of sentient pine trees hacked down, shipped to homes, and subjected to humiliation by humans who decorate them and make them stand in their living rooms. Now the trees have had enough, and decide to stage an uprising

Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh please oh please

don't kill me

Bloody Christmas to all, and to all the bumps in the night!