Of course this rule doesn't apply to all media...
Look at the remake of The Wicker Man (2006), starring Nicolas Cage. It was nauseating garbage, but it did make fans of the genre yearn for Robin Hardy's 1973 original, and a lot of newer fans sought the first version out to wash the bad taste of the remake out of their mouths. Much like a lot of horror fans did after the abominably lackluster When a Stranger Calls (2006), which had none of the taut tension and tight filmmaking that was delivered in 1979.
Of course, some remakes will work for all the wrong reasons. When I first heard about My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009), I immediately face-palmed to save myself time later. At night I could hear the original whispering to me in the dark, "remember me, remember me," imploring me to cleanse myself upon returning from the theater. It turned out that I was, much like most people on Valentine's Day, quite wrong. Throwback nods, new twists to the story, and a solid cast made My Bloody Valentine 3D one of the more enjoyable re-imaginings in recent years while still inspiring a visit to the classic tale of a miner gone mad and a town in terror.
Released: February 11, 1981
Director: George Mihalka
Screenplay: John Beaird (story by Stephen Miller)
Tagline: "There's more than one way to lose your heart"
Cast:
Paul Kelman as Jesse 'T.J." Hanniger
Lori Hallier as Sarah
Neil Affleck as Axel Palmer
Don Francks as Chief Jake Newby
Keith Knight as Hollis
Peter Cowper as Harry Warden/The Miner
The residents of the coal-mining town Valentine's Bluff gear up for their first Valentine's Day Party in over 20 years--the result of a threat made by deranged miner-murderer Harry Warden, who killed two supervisors after they neglected their duties and inadvertently caused a cave-in that trapped Warden and several others--whom Warden was forced to eat. Now locked up in an asylum, the town elders have judged it safe again to reconvene the town's holiday traditions. But when the mayor starts receiving grisly packages, is anyone safe? Has the legendary killer escaped? And will the youth of the Bluff succeed in their hunt for a good party?
My Bloody Valentine (1981) ticks off all of the slasher boxes--a calendar killer with a signature weapon (a miner's pick axe), killer POV shots (with the mandatory heavy breathing), and obnoxious teens crying out to be sliced and diced. Despite surprisingly high production values and the EC Comics feel to the film, My Bloody Valentine was met with neither a wealth of critical acclaim or staggering box office returns. It came and went largely unheeded, given that it was 1981 and the slasher sub-genre had now become the norm in horror. Halloween (1978), Friday the 13th (1980), Terror Train (1980), Prom Night (1980), He Knows You're Alone (1980), Silent Scream (1980), and their sequels were already dominating screens, and so My Bloody Valentine quickly became a victim of oversight.
Because of the success of the remake, however, the original film soon began to stock Walmart bargain bins and spark new conversation among genre fans. People began to recognize it as a treasure swept under the rug. The story is relatively cookie-cutter. It's all about vengeance, the stuff of all great slashers, and the creepy antagonist remains in control of the situation the entire time. It even comes with its own crypt-keeper, the gloriously doom-ridden bartender who tells one of his clients to "Beware what you make fun of, you little asshole!" and owes a nod to the "Poetic Justice" segment of Tales from the Crypt (1972), although British horror has rarely approached this film's delight in gleeful mayhem.
"You know, I really 'dig" you--be my Valentine?"
The vintage graininess of the film is enjoyable, and most of the onscreen performances are strong, which makes it easy to invest in the bulk of the focal characters, despite the horribly cliched love triangle that exists between T.J., Sarah, and Axel. The film is not without fault, but the not-quite-campy but still wink-at-the-audience atmosphere makes for a genre entry that has genuine longevity, even if the potential wasn't realized at the onset.
The slasher has always been a magpie sub-genre, but My Bloody Valentine selects only the choicest cuts for its "greatest hits" murder scenes and serves them up with a certain proud flourish. A skewered couple, a boiled face, and a nail gun to the head all accompany the fatal pickaxe injuries, as well as two of the most memorable kills in the world of horror: an impalement on a shower faucet and a body found in a tumble-dryer. Meanwhile, the location shooting at the mine and in the town adds that grubby reminder of dead-end industry that strikes a minor chord offset by the film's exuberant ghoulishness. The setting is one of the strongest elements of the film, a welcome break from the slasher's usual stomping ground of campsite, suburb, dorm room, or high school.
The atmospheric cinematography, imaginative camera angles, and art-film lightning might seem somewhat excessively precious for a film that boasts lines like "We were having a party and Harry Warden started killing everybody!", but the cornball dialogue only adds to the fun of the film. My Bloody Valentine shows a refreshing lack of cynicism by acknowledging that we are in on the joke, something that many feel cannot be said for the 3D remake.
"Look, there go our careers"
If someone tries to tell you that Avatar (2009) ushered in the new wave of 3D mania, ignore them. In all actuality, it was My Bloody Valentine 3D that got both people in the industry and filmgoers alike talking up the possibilities of current 3D technology. Genre fans in particular went nuts over the effects--the film opened to a $21 million dollar weekend and raked in $100 million dollars worldwide by the end of its run--and word of mouth really helped the film boom within the horror community. It also helped that director Patrick Lussier didn't just rely on the 3D to carry the film. He took everything that worked from the original and built on it to establish a winning formula.
My Bloody Valentine 3D (Canada/U.S.A.)
Released: January 16, 2009
Director: Patrick Lussier
Screenplay: Todd Farmer & Zane Smith (based on the original screenplay and story)
Tagline: "He's gonna break your heart"
Cast:
Jensen Ackles as Tom Hanniger
Jaime King as Sarah Palmer
Kerr Smith as Axel Palmer
Betsy Rue as Irene
Megan Boone as Megan
Tom Atkins as Sheriff Jim Burke
The My Bloody Valentine 3D tale remains largely unchanged from the original--a group of five miners in a small coal town (now changed to Harmony), are killed in a collapse accidentally caused by the mine owner's son Tom, played by Supernatural's (2005-preset) Jensen Ackles. The only survivor is Harry Warden, who falls into a coma for a year, after which he wakes up and finds that he has incredible strength (because okay), a thirst for blood, and, as fate would have it, no security guards. As such, this savage beast of a man turns what appears to be an entire hospital of staff and patients into dismembered and disemboweled bodies leaving the policemen who (finally) arrive on scene with the keen observance, "Guess he woke up."
Harry makes his way back to the mines, where a group of teenagers are partying--because in mining towns, dinner and a movie on Valentine's Day isn't redneck enough--and somehow dons his original gas mask and pickaxe to brutalize the teens. Three survive, Tom, his paramour Sarah, and their friend Axel. Warden is supposedly shot and killed, but Tom leaves town anyway, because why would you want to stay there? But, ten years later, Tom's father has died, so he has to return to Harmony to sell the mine, and that's when the calm of the last decade is shattered and strange things start to happen. And by strange things I mean people getting hacked in half by a man who, if he's not Harry Warden, is dressed in his favorite outfit. Is it Warden? It is Tom? Is it someone else? What's great about My Bloody Valentine 3D is that we don't know, but we really, really want to know.
The performances are more than acceptable here, and the film caters to all different kinds of genre fans with some intriguing side plots and gratifying gore. The script is well manicured, offering little in the way of outright hokeyness and virtually zero downtime, which is both important and impressive given how the story shifts and depends on gaps in time. Even though the story speeds along at a startling rate, there's a surprising amount of character development at work. We know who we're rooting for, and who we despise, and yet designs on the true identity of the killer are relatively difficult to draw, reaffirming the strength of the writing and making for meaningful suspense.
"Nope! That's WAY too kinky for me"
Lussier gifted horror fans with a faithful yet unique update with My Bloody Valentine 3D. Though I don't know that it transcends the original, I definitely think it stands up to the 1981 cult classic, and if noting else makes for a decent double feature annual treat come February. It's also hard to deny that it delivers on the aesthetic level while toying with audience emotion in regards to the despicable behavior of a certain few characters. Identical in some ways, different in others, I think that the preference between the 1981 original and the 2009 adaptation depends on one's mood. Vintage, quality gem? Or polished, contemporary vision? Either path is rewarding, each one memorable and scintillating. And isn't that how Valentine's Day is supposed to be, after all?
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
5-Totally Terrifying
4-Crazy Creepy
3-Fairly Frightening
2-Slightly Scary
1-Hardly Horror
My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
5-Totally Terrifying
4-Crazy Creepy
3-Fairly Frightening
2-Slightly Scary
1-Hardly Horror
