And so begins one's journey into The Basement, the new intrusive haunt at Pittsburgh's ScareHouse in Etna, a haunted house experience already renowned for being one of America's scariest Halloween attractions, consistently ranked number one across the board from the Travel Channel to USA Today to Yahoo. Top Haunts, a magazine and website dedicated to the enjoyment of Halloween and haunted attractions across the globe, has even marked ScareHouse as "the #1 haunt in the world."
You really don't want to know why he's laughing
It's tough to argue with those reviews, and I'm not sure I know anyone who has been to ScareHouse that would. Now in its 14th year of operation, the ScareHouse has a famed and well-respected reputation for both mastering and pushing the science of scaring every October. This year is no exception, and the ScareHouse team, led by creative director Scott Simmons, have pushed the envelope by providing viewers with the unique option of entering The Basement.
Separate from the main haunt--which follows a more traditional setup of participants being spooked but not touched, moving at their own pace--The Basement is an interactive, adults-only venue that requires guests to provide photo ID and sign waivers promising not to sue the organization for any emotional or physical damage endured inside. Then, immediately before entering, verbal assent must be given to a stone-faced S.W.A.T. officer who runs through a checklist, making sure you will be able to crawl, run, jump, and restrain yourself from touching the performers, though they will certainly be getting up close and personal with you.
From the very first chamber in The Basement, a dark, silent room lit only by candles containing a sinister surprise, to the final showdown on a crooked staircase, participants are at the mercy of the creatures and creeps lurking within the dark, dank walls. All control is relinquished down there, and you are not permitted to move from room to room at your own speed. You are manhandled, pushed, prodded, and poked whenever they deem it appropriate for you to move on. This can lead to uncomfortably long moments of time with an insane, blood-drenched man brandishing a staple gun, rubbing his face against your cheek and asking if he might be able to wear your skin.
"So, what are you most afraid of?"
As only two people are permitted to enter The Basement at any given time, there is no way to escape the interactive nature of the new ScareHouse haunt. No one to hide behind. Especially given the fact that, in several rooms, you will be separated from your partner to suffer your own individual nightmare, being only vaguely aware of what might be happening to your friend or companion by the sound of their screams. This is one of the great features of The Basement as it guarantees that no two people will have the same experience from start to finish.
For my friend and I, who entered The Basement last night, we had a hazy concept of what we were in for, but there were a number of unexpected trials that awaited us, as The Basement covers every corner of twisted and depraved that you can think of. And it's great. One moment you're being held by the hair as someone smells your neck, the next a patchfaced ghoul is running their dirty finger along the inside of your shoe. You are sprayed with sickeningly sweet perfume at one point, and squirted with jugular blood in the next. A kinky dominatrix leaves you handcuffed and bound, while inbred hillbillies torment you in dark closets and decrepit bathrooms. Bags get thrown over your head, razors ran against bare flesh. Mad doctors try to scalp you and you won't leave without barking like a dog and stumbling upon a sinister surgery, which you must partake in.
There are tasks you have to complete, questions you have to answer. They will demand your name and screw with your head. There's shouting, swearing, and dirty language even the most seasoned potty-mouths will blush at. Nothing is off the table in The Basement, so you could find yourself cornered by a man wearing only dirty briefs as he simulates masturbation, or strapped to a gurney being grilled about the number of sexual partners you've had as an overlarge syringe is swiped past your neck.
And in the end, you must deal with the clown. Happy. It's her birthday. And you had better have a present for her.
She's going to count to 10, and then...
This is only a taste of what one experiences in The Basement, the top layer of what I experienced myself last night, so if you find yourself down there be prepared for your personal tale of terror to play out after you find yourself in a headlock with a sweaty demon asking you, "What's your greatest fear?"
Obviously, the intense nature of The Basement is not for everyone. But for those horror and Halloween lovers who are always looking for that next great thrill, the soaring new high, give ScareHouse's new haunt a try. And don't worry, should you find yourself unable to endure the final challenge or too freaked out at the halfway point (or anytime before or after), you can utilize the safe word, "bunny," in honor of the ScareHouse's iconic mascot. Calling this out at anytime during The Basement will stop the game, and someone will come to escort you outside. You will, however, have to add your tally mark to the wall of shame, a whiteboard outside the entrance to The Basement keeping tack of all those who could not finish the experience. As of immediately before my entrance yesterday evening, 49 people had "bunnied-out" since ScareHouse opened on September 27.
And don't forget about the regular ScareHouse haunt. It's a beautifully done 20-minute experience that takes you through three different chilling sections, starting with The Forsaken, a doll-infested demonic playground of a church, house, and barn inhabited by deranged souls brought about by someone having read too much ancient Latin. From there you enter Creepo's Christmas, where you don 3-D glasses to confront mutant snowmen and killer elves. It's true holiday horror--Santa is dead, but Creepo lives. Finally, run down an apocalyptic Carson Street and through an abandoned Primanti Bros. in Pittsburgh Zombies, a tribute to the living dead legacy of Pittsburgh as the Zombie Capital of the World. I'll say that this year in particular there seemed to be abundance of hungry hordes of walking dead. We had to watch our backs as much as our fronts.
Trailer for Pittsburgh Zombies haunt
If you stick with the original haunt, you will have a good time, and it's worth your money. But if you can, snatch up a ticket for The Basement and give it a go. You won't be disappointed about that. Even Mike Dougherty, the director of the Halloween anthology (and one of my personal favorite horror movies) Trick r Treat (2007), and dark fantasy/horror director Guillermo del Toro, who visited ScareHouse just last weekend, were impressed enough to have praised the weird work done down in Etna, saying that the creative team "nailed it" and that it was "really beautiful." Plus, if you can see it through to the end, you'll find yourself with a cool takeaway as physical proof that you survived the night.
ScareHouse is open every Thursday-Sunday until November 2, including Halloween night (7-10pm on Thursdays and Sundays, 7-midnight on Fridays and Saturdays) and tickets can be bought online for half hour timeslots for both the regular haunt and The Basement (which must be bought separately). Parking is provided at the Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium with a shuttle over to Locust Street where the actual ScareHouse is located.
There are over 2,500 haunted attractions in the United States, and less than a handful get as much praise and respect as the ScareHouse, maybe the only one where Halloween horror rises to become genuine art. It's an unparalleled and unsettling Pittsburgh treasure, and now there's something even more terrifying lying underneath, where oh so many demons are waiting in the dark. If you think you're brave enough to do what at least 49 other people could not, I'd reserve your timeslot now. But remember, it's not for the faint of heart, and if you're having doubts it might be best to consider the tried and true moniker of R.L. Stine's Goosebumps: stay out of The Basement.
Will you "bunny-out"?
Click for additional trailers for The Forsaken, Creepo's Christmas, and The Basement
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